Rough draft
It is strange to be alone with your thoughts for so long.
There is no one to interrupt.
Just you and the sound of a dog snoring softly in the corner.
This is your life now.
This is what it means to save lives.
The Earth is slowly being reborn, and I wait.
Time changes.
It charges on.
I cannot tame it.
I mourn for the heat of summer.
It is recklessness, freedom, and wild abandon.
I grow nostalgic for the endless days that melt one right into one another.
But the time has come for night to spread, to grow, to take hold.
There’s a chill creeping into the air and the waning light plays tricks on my eyes.
The dying season is upon us.
The world is ablaze in red and orange, the smoldering embers of a blazing summer.
Something sinister lurks in the shadows– primordial, ancient, accustom to this dance and ready to begin once more.
This is her time.
She whispers in the wind and goosebumps cover my skin.
Autumn is come.
The way it happens, you wouldn’t give it a second thought.
Slowly it starts.
The changes are imperceptible.
You think she’s just being a little crazy.
Stubborn.
Weird.
It’s something else. They get this way when their sugar is too high.
She’ll be fine.
How could you know?
How could any of us know?
Maybe it’s when she stopped watering the flowers in the morning.
Maybe it’s when she stopped getting up to pray.
I don’t know.
By the time we realized what was happening, it seemed so sudden.
I still cannot bring myself to say the word.
Saying it gives it life.
Even when there’s no denying it, I still will not say the word that breaks me when I see others her age thrive.
I will not say the word that makes me question the fairness of life and fight with God.
So I kiss her face, the one they say I so resemble, and caress it softly like a child.
I try to make her focus on me, when she seems miles away.
I knew.
Even when he couldn’t say it yet.
I knew.
Even when it broke my heart to not hear those three little words back.
I knew.
Because his actions spoke louder than words ever could.
I could feel his love.
It was his gentleness, his calm demeanor, his kindness. It was the tiny gestures he did without thinking.
How can you deny that love?
When you catch the way he looks at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention and you see a face so enamored with you, you don’t know how someone could ever see you that way.
It is a love that could be felt even before we both realized what it was.
On the day you were born, flowers everywhere burst into bloom.
Daughter of Earth, sing your joyous songs and laugh your raucous laugh, today we celebrate.
How many times have we made this trip and danced this dance?
Why do we even count?
Let us just enjoy.
Sweet girl, you are everything pleasing and inviting to the senses.
You are comfort and decadence.
You walk in beauty and surround yourself with excellence.
Born under the stars of the bull, my stubborn, laughing, girl, rejoice! Your season has come.
The Secret Life of Pandas 