I keep a list of men close to my heart.
These are not men who have loved me.
No, I do not have those.
I keep a list of men, of men who have caused me pain.
The men who have chipped away at the fragile defenses of my heart and my soul.
The men who have taken all of me and given nothing in return.
I keep this list of men, each marked with their transgression– cheating, lying, manipulation and abuse– and I make memory of the things I lost with each one.
I keep it so I learn to not be so foolish again.
I keep it to remind me of the cruelty of those who would so easily take my love and use it against me.
I keep it as warning signs for when I let down my guard and try to love again.
Tag: #poem
NPM 26: Morning
In the quiet stillness of the dawn I lay awake and think of you.
My thoughts start and end when you.
The kindness of your eyes when they look at me.
A gaze full love and want.
I think of what could be and what is to come.
And I close my eyes just a little while longer to dream of you.
NPM 25: Kiss
I was laughing when it happened.
Dancing and a little tipsy, he looked me in my eyes and went for it.
It was quick and soft and a little wet.
He smiled and laughed, we kept dancing.
Laughing at a crowded house party in Shepherds Bush.
Dancing and laughing with the cutest boy in school.
Dancing and laughing and 20-years-old.
A happy first kiss.
NPM 21: For Kelly, Because Reasons
People always underestimate water.
But water is ever changing.
It can be the soft drip of a faucet leaking or the sheer force of a tsunami, quick, destructive and unexpected.
You are water.
You let them treat you like a puddle when you’re the whole damn ocean.
Who are they, but stumbling blocks, damming the river.
But a river always gets its way.
You are water.
Green eyes and golden hair. Laughing like a siren.
Sing your song and let them fall at your feet.
NPM 20: Love Poem 6
What was it?
What was the breaking point?
What was it that made your love turn to hate?
I gave you everything.
Now everything that made me me, is tainted by you.
You were supposed to be different.
I thought you were.
What is it about me that makes me so difficult to love?
Maybe it was never love.
Infatuation.
Obsession.
Because love can’t be that fickle?
Love can’t give up the moment things get hard. The moment you realize that people have faults.
We are only human.
I thought love was supposed to endure.
But I am not loveable. And lust only lasts so long.
The Secret Life of Pandas 