Love in the time of bed bugs

Love in the time of bed bugs

by TheSecretLifeOfPandas

I’m exhausted and I know I should be closing my eyes soon, but this seemed important to share.

According to my mattress boo, Chicago is now number one in bedbugs and that has filled me with an overwhelming fear and paranoia.

Let’s get back to my mattress boo.

Friday night we went out for all you can eat sushi at this sushi bar in Roscoe Village. I’ve found myself in Roscoe Village more often than usual as of late.

After dinner we passed a mattress store and my friend decided she wanted to go in and just test out the mattresses. so we made up a story that I needed a new bed and went in. we were greeted by the most adorable man.

I saw him and I wanted to test all of the beds out with him.

But first I had to grab the giant stuffed sheep.

Wait, I’m not making sense. There was a stuffed sheep on one of the beds facing the window. I wanted to hold it and squeeze it. I asked if this was okay.

He laughed and said yes.

He took me to the first bed and told me to lay down.

I almost pulled off my panties, but I refrained. My other two friends watched and laughed and chatted with him as well.

We spent half an hour in there chatting with him about beds and warranties and then bed bugs came up and I cringed.

Bed bugs and life.

why are people so disgusting?

Anyway, that’s pretty much it. I’ve fallen in love with the manager of a mattress store in Roscoe Village. He’s cute and sweet and friendly and he was a carpenter for 15 years and he’s new to the city.

I want to have his mixed asian, white, mexican babies and sleep on a $5,000 bed.

12 thoughts on “Love in the time of bed bugs”

  1. My friend had bedbugs last spring and my (last) roommate had bedbugs like two months ago. I got a mattress protector and sprinkled diatomaceous earth (this silicate I think based chemical that actually comes in a food grade that is basically super-spiky on a molecular level and gets in under a bug’s exoskeleton and CUTS IT TO DEATH… it’s actually used as a pesticide on plants) all around the perimeter of my room and the apartment. Also the exterminator came. Anyway, it was totally fine. The thing about bed bugs is that they bite and they suck, but (1) they don’t spread disease at all and (2) they don’t travel on the body, only on stuff. Also they can live forever. Like, legit, if I have bedbugs in there under my mattress protector and I ever take it off, they might come out. It’ll be scary. Good thing it’s staying on. I did find one bed bug crawling across my floor once and stomped it and then wiped down the area with alcohol, but that was my only encounter with them. Guess it didn’t manage to lay any eggs. Whew. ANYWAY, easily solved, not that gross, don’t worry about it.

    As for sexy ex-carpenters… go for it! You’re only young once!

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  2. Bed bugs don’t care about how dirty or clean you are. If you’re alive and have blood pumping through your veins, they will happily take up residence in your house.

    When we had a flea infestation (not totally the same thing, but similar), I went batshit nuts about cleaning. I shampooed my carpets, mattresses, and furniture with Borax and then steamed the hell out of them, sprinkled diatomaceous earth everywhere and Borax under the furniture, and then sprayed every surface with mentholated alcohol to dehydrate and kill anything that might still be living on it. I did this every other day, sometimes every day depending on which room it was. And my cats ~ oh my god, my cats ~ they were getting daily baths and twice hourly combings.

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  4. Lol. It is adorable that you went into a mattress store and came out with a crush. I think white Asian Mexican baby will be awesome!

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