Post Op

Post Op

by TheSecretLifeOfPandas ♥ 5 Comments

My surgery was on Tuesday. I went under around 11 am and came to around 5 pm.

It’s been a battle so far trying to stay hydrated, and even trying to get any kind of liquid down.

Im definitely not eating enough.

I am trying hard not to develop a sick relationship with the scale. Monday night I was at X39 lbs.

When I came home from the hospital it read X50 lbs.

Today the scale said X38 lbs.

I cannot understand.

This is purely vanity.

I’ve been walking around but I’m getting winded after a while.

I feel gross. I have to look at the paperwork to see when I can shower. Since there’s a time period where I cannot get the incisions wet.

It’s hard to move around. I still cannot bend very well.

But I’m hopeful. This is just the start of a good year.

Winter

Winter

by TheSecretLifeOfPandas ♥ 3 Comments

Everything is dark and cold.

Christmas has come and gone and like every year I feel like I can’t even remember what happened.

Of course the new year fast approaches and with it big changes.

First, I’m going blonde again, because I need a bold change that’s work appropriate.

Second, my surgery is scheduled for January 8th. I’ve already started my total lifestyle change to help prepare for life post surgery. But now I have to really cut down on my calories and carbs since they need my liver to shrink and for me to lose a little more weight. It’s day two and I’m getting hangry. 800 calories a day will do that to you.

Third, this year will be the first year I’ve ever lived on my own, and that is incredibly exciting.

Happy New Year one and all. 2019 is coming in strong.

Your Name is Love

Your Name is Love

by TheSecretLifeOfPandas ♥ 2 Comments

“Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love.”  – Martin Luther King Jr.

Every weekend, Friday night and Sunday morning, I sing in the choir at my church.

There is a song by Christian artists, Evan Craft and Banda Horizonte, called Su Nombre es Amor, and I love when it comes up on our song list. My favorite part being the pre-chourus and chorus:

“Mis ojos fijaré en aquel que ya venció 
Me asombraré, mis cadenas Él rompió 

Su nombre es amor, 
Su nombre es amor, 
Jesús 
Su nombre es amor, 
Su nombre es amor, 
Jesús”

“I will fix my eyes on He who already triumphed.  I am in awe, He has broken my chains.

His name is love, His name is love,  Jesus. His name is love, His name is love, Jesus.”

We are proclaiming He is love. Because this is what we believe and this is what we know.

I’ve had love on my mind a lot lately. All kinds of love. The divine love I sing about, the familial love I feel for my family and friends, the romantic love I feel towards my boyfriend, the fraternal love for my fellow man– my neighbor.

Because I spend so much time reading about the pain and suffering my neighbors are going through, hunger, poverty, violence, homelessness, murder, depression, suicide– a laundry list of heart-wrenching pain. And I feel hopeless in my inability to help these strangers who are so far from me.

These people are in dire need of a demonstration of love. And I’m not trying to be cheesy or cliched. I’m not talking about sitting in a circle, holding hands, singing all you need is love with our eyes closed, and an acoustic guitar. I don’t mean going around saying “I love you” to everyone you see. You see words mean nothing if there isn’t any action to back it up.

Love isn’t just an abstract noun, an idea we spend a lifetime searching for. It is concrete, an action verb. We need to love. It is something we do. Love is a weapon we can bear to combat the hopelessness we feel in the world around us.

Instead of doing nothing but scrolling through headlines and feeling sad I can take a look around at the people that are within the reach of my love. Being love for them with a kind word, with an open ear, with my money, with food, with supplying a need that needs to be met. I want to be love for the people around me.

Because when everything feels like chaos, there is always one thing you can control, the way you react and the action that you take.

So choose to love.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”- Martin Luther King Jr.

An Admission

An Admission

by TheSecretLifeOfPandas ♥ 9 Comments

I’m going to admit something to you, the reader, the small group of people who happen upon my blog every once in a while.

I’ve decided to have gastric bypass surgery.

It’s weird.

I’ve only told a handful of people.

Mostly because I’m ashamed.

I am ashamed for needing and wanting this surgery.

It’s a little fucked, I know. I’m sure my psychologist would say I was being unkind to myself.

I’m not happy with my body and nothing I do seems to work. I figured this would be the drastic kick in the butt I need.

I mean, I’m nothing if not dramatic.

But it’s a whole process before they let you have surgery. Appointment after appointment and a complete lifestyle change, otherwise this isn’t going to work.

I’ve started to lose weight in preparation for the surgery to help me lose more weight.

The future seems bright.