I never pictured a future in which you and I didn’t exist.
You are still you.
And I am still me.
But you are you living in a world without me.
And I am existing in a world without you.
A world made dark and unbearable by the loss of you.
Oh bla di.
Oh bla da.
Life goes on…
People change.
You changed into a person who didn’t want me and I slowly let myself fade away.
She waited impatiently for the text she was scared would never come, fighting sleep in the hopes that he hadn’t fallen asleep and forgotten about her.
“Maybe he’s over you.”
No. She couldn’t think that. He loved her. He said so. He couldn’t be so cruel as to forget to say goodnight to her.
“When was the last time he did that?”
It’d been a while. She just assumed that since they’d been talking for such a long time he’d fallen out of the habit. But she’d texted him first. Hoping he would at least smile and reply.
“He won’t.”
The small voice in the back of her mind had slowly gotten louder in the past year. And his voice and his interest had slowly diminished.
They were drifting apart, and she wasn’t ready for what that could mean.
She set her phone on the nightstand and let sleep overcome her.
We reached my door and I fished around in my purse for my keys. I could feel him warm against me and still turned on.
“Hurry,” he growled in my ear.
Flustered, I dropped the keys as I tried to unlock my door.
“See what happens when you rush me?” I replied in the sternest voice I could muster. I heard him chuckle as I bent forward to pick up the keys.
I felt his hand slide under my dress and give my ass a hard squeeze, before he slid his fingers along my wet slit.
“Looks like someone else can’t seem to wait either.”
I stood up straight, not wanting to be caught by the neighbors being fingered in the hallway.
“Shhhh.” I slid the key into the lock and let us in.
I fumbled for the light, but he grabbed me by the waist and grunted, “bedroom?”
I laughed. “Here’s not good enough?” I turn my head to look back at him.
He shook his head and brought his lips to my neck.
“Where’s your room?” He whispered in my ear. His hands moved from my waist to my hips and then they reached for the hem of my dress. “Lift your arms.” He told me.
I lifted my arms and he pulled my dress off over my head and dropped it on the floor. I felt his hands again on my waist and I shivered in spite of the heat.
I moaned softly before breaking from his grip and taking his hand.
“Follow me.”
I met Derek at a bar close to my house. I’d had a rough day at work and he’d messaged me earlier that day. He was cute and seemed interesting enough to be a welcome distraction.
I texted him when I arrived and he replied that he was sitting in the back of the bar. I found him there with a drink already in his hand.
“Sorry I got started without you.” He stood up and gave me a hug.
“It’s fine.”
“Can I get you something to drink?”
I scanned the beers on tap, nothing more than the standard fare of American beers.
“I’ll have a Corona.” I said.
“Beer girl?” He asked as he waved over the bartender.
“Not really. I don’t know much about them. I just know that every so often I like a Corona with lime.”
“Fair enough.” He ordered my beer and himself a Diet Coke and Jack.
I laughed a little. Something about men drinking diet pop seems weird. But I guess everyone watches their calories.
“What? You think my drink order is funny?” He asked as he moved his stool closer to mine.
I turned to face him as he stared between my legs.
“You trying to look up my dress, Derek?”
“You didn’t answer my question.” He said. He moved closer. His leg moving between mine, spreading my thighs a little wider.
“And you didn’t answer mine.” I told him as the bartender set down our drinks.
He laughed. “No. I was just admiring your dress. He placed his hand on my thigh.
“And my thighs?”
“They seem very nice.” He moved his hand under my dress as he took a sip of his drink. “Yes, your thighs seem very nice.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about the direction drinks were going. I pressed my lime into the bottle and watched it fizz.
“What are you thinking?” He asked. His hand softly rubbing my thigh.
“I’m thinking about how far up my dress I’m gonna let that wandering hand of yours travel before I slap it away.”
I took a sip of my beer and he smirked.
“Should I test it out?”
I put down my beer and leaned towards him placing my hands on his thighs.
“Give it a shot.”
He moved his hand further up my inner thigh and paused. I raised my eyebrows and leaned back. He smiled and tickled me.
I giggled and slapped his hand. The bartender looked over and we both reached for our drinks.
“Too far?” He asked.
“I’m too ticklish for you to play like that.”
“Can I try again?”
“You wanna test your luck?”
He smiled and slipped his hand up my thigh again. This time he made it all the way up between my thighs and I felt his fingers brush my lips.
“Oh.”
“Oh.” He replied. “Are you not…” He trailed off.
I looked down at my beer and he leaned closer to me.
“Are you not wearing any panties?” He whispered, his fingers brushing against my lips.
I looked around. No one was paying attention to us. I felt my face get hot and I took a swig of my beer and shook my head.
On a whim I’d pulled them off in the bathroom at work and threw them in my purse.
“Ooh. What a naughty girl.” He teased. He took a sip of his drink before he slid a finger between my lips. “Oh my God.” He moved his stool closer to mine. “You’re so fucking wet already.” He whispered.
“I get wet really easily.” I mutter, embarrassed at my own body’s immediate reaction to this stranger.
“Spread your legs a little more and tell me about yourself.” He whispered.
I do as I’m told. “what do you want to know?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as his wandering fingers find my clit.
“Where are you from?”
“Chicago.”
“What do you do?”
“Really boring shit,” I gasp.
“Yeah? How boring?”
“Very. I sit in front of a computer all day.”
“That’s not too bad, it could be worse.”
“Mhmm.” I reply as he slides a finger fully inside me.
“Is that ok?”
“Yes.” I whisper.
“I want you to undo my pants.”
I reach for his pants with both hands. He stopped me with his free one.
“Discreetly. Do it with one hand while taking a drink of your beer.”
I reach for his pants and I reach for my beer. I got the top button undone as he slid a second finger inside me and started moving them in and out.
“Ah.” I pause, the beer is midway to my mouth.
“Shhh. The zipper.” He instructs.
I struggle with the zipper, but finally get it down and I take a long swig of my beer. He shifted a little in his seat.
“Ok, now take my cock out.”
“Here?” I looked at him wide eyed, even as his fingers moved steadily in and out of me.
“It’s below the bar level. Go for it.”
I looked around the room. Still no one was paying attention to us and the bartender was on the opposite end watching the Sox lose.
“Okay.” I reached into his pants and felt his hard cock. I wrapped my fingers around him and pulled him gently out of his pants.
“Stroke.” He said quietly.
He moaned as I tightened my grip and began to move my hand up and down jerking him.
“What do you do?” I asked him.
Both of our breathing was growing ragged as we watched each other.
“I design video games.” He groaned.
I looked around the bar again. Starting to get worried that someone would notice us.
Still the patrons of the bar were oblivious. So I leaned forward and looked him in the eye before spitting on his cock.
His fingers stopped and I rubbed the wetness up and down his cock.
“Oh my God.” He gasped. I smiled. “How far do you live from here?” He asked.
“Not very.” I answered.
I wake up to the sensation of your fingers lightly tracing circles on my hip. I feel the warmth of your breath on my neck and press back against you as I stretch and yawn.
It’s only just past dawn and the soft light streams through the open windows.
“Good morning, handsome.”
“Good morning, beautiful.”
You nuzzle my neck and I giggle. Your beard tickles me like it always does and I sigh with contentment.
Mornings and you.
The warmth of your flesh against mine.
The smell of your skin which lingers even after you leave me for another day of work.
“I wasn’t sure when you were waking up. And I didn’t want to wake you up the way I did last time. I ended up with a knee to the face.” You laugh and I groaned. I remembered the looks people would give us. Walking in the park, you me and Butch-Cassidy, the tall tattooed bearded man with the pink haired little princess and the golden retriever. You looked like you’d just gotten out of a bar fight when in reality your girlfriend has really good reflexes.
“I’m sorry. You know how ticklish I am. It was just a reaction. I made it up to you didn’t I?” You growl in my ear before positioning yourself above me.
“Yes you did. It made the black eye worth it.” You lean down to kiss me, laughter in your mouth as your tongue parts my lips.
I live for your kisses.
I live for your touch.
You pull away and I sigh again.
“I told my team that my lover beats me, but I like the abuse.”
“Shut up.” I smack your chest.
“See? It’s only six am and you’re already hitting me. I love it.” You kiss me again. Harder. Giving my lip a little bite as you kiss your way down my chin, my neck and down to my chest. I close my eyes hoping you’re going to continue moving your lips further down my body.
“My God, you have the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen.” You tell me before gently taking my nipple into your mouth.
I gasped as you suck and lick. “Oh stop.” I moan.
You look up at me, confused. “You want me to stop?”
I opened my eyes. “Oh no. Please don’t stop that. I meant stop saying ridiculous things.” I felt myself turning red. “My breasts are not the most beautiful breasts you’ve ever seen. They’re just normal boobs.”
“Calling your breasts normal, is blasphemous. Never say those words again.” I laugh. “Your boobs are perfect and beautiful and I’m the lucky bastard that gets to play with them whenever I want. Like this.” You press your face between my breasts and blow bubbles as I laugh and push you away.
“Ok ok! I get it.” We both laugh. I reach up and trace the outline of your lips.
You look down at me and I watch the laughter in your eyes fade as it’s replaced with desire and lust. I can feel you hard against me and I spread my legs for you.
“Fuck, you’re sexy.” You kiss me again and I reach for your cock. I stroke you as your tongue explores my mouth, little moans escaping my lips and yours
You reach for my hand and hold it above my head, our fingers intertwined as you guide your cock between my lips. You gently cup my cheek before sliding inside of me.
You moan and close your eyes as the length of you fills me. I wrap my legs around you. Pulling you closer to me, holding you inside me.
You open your eyes and smile at me as you pull out and thrust back into me.
Your rhythm is slow and steady. Sleepy and unrushed. I reached up and wrap my arms around your neck as you move in and out of me.
“Why do you feel so good?” I gasped.
“Why do you?” You reply. Leaning down you kiss my neck, lightly sucking as you pick up speed.
I dig my nails into your back.
“Harder.” I moan.
You smirk. And start slamming your thick cock inside of me harder and harder. I drag my nails down your back and scream as you start pounding my pussy.
“Oh fuck!”
You laugh and shush me. “You’ll wake the neighbors.”
I don’t give a fuck about the neighbors. All I care about is you and me. Your skin against my skin.
Your lips wandering from my lips to my neck to my breasts.
“Fuck the neighbors.” I cry out.
You give my neck a little bite. “I could, but I don’t think they’ll be as fun as you.”
I slide my hands down to your ass and give it a hard smack.
“Ouch!” You cry out and you thrust hard inside of me.
“Ah!” I cry out. “Do it again.”
“You first.”
I giggle as I feel my orgasm start building.
“Oh fuck, babe don’t stop. I’m gonna come.” I throw my head back and close my eyes as I grip your back.
You grab a fistful of my hair and pull my face towards yours. “Look at me.” You order.
I open my eyes and look up at your blue grey ones. My breath coming fast and short as waves of pleasure run over my body. I moan your name as I reach my peak.
You lean down and kiss me hard and start fucking me faster. I can feel the urgency in your kiss. You’re almost there.
We part lips. “Come for me.” I whisper.
“Fuck.”
You move my legs over your shoulders and enter me deeper and harder with every thrust.
I feel another orgasm building.
You kiss my leg and groan and I feel you finish inside me.
You put my legs down and sigh as you softly slide in and out of me, filling me with every drop of your warm come.
You look down at me and stroke my face while your other hand moves down between my thighs, gently rubbing my clit.
“Ohh…” I whimper, already close to the edge I come again with you still inside me.
“Good girl.” You pull out of me and give your fingers a lick before kissing me again. You rest your weight on me briefly before laying next to me.
I curl up on your chest. My fingers playing with your chest hair as you wrap your arm around me.
“You make it very hard to leave in the mornings.” You say as you twirl my hair around you finger.
“You make it hard to be by myself all day.” I mumble.
We lay like that for a few moments before his alarm goes off. He kisses my forehead before getting out of bed.
“Wake me before you leave.” I tell him.
“Of course.” He gives my breast a squeeze and chuckles as he walks to the bathroom.
I smile and wrap myself in our blankets and turn towards the windows.
I drift off with the warmth of the morning sun on my face.
Don’t talk about serial killers.
That would be weird.
But she’s weird, so maybe she’d be cool with serial killers.
As long as I don’t come off as a serial killer myself.
Shit. I’m already being weird and I’m not even talking to her yet.
Well at least I think she’s a little weird. She walked into the shop about 10 minutes after I did, looked at me, looked away and kept walking to another table.
At first I wasn’t sure if it was her, I’d seen a couple of pics on her profile, but she was making faces in each of them. I think that’s why I liked her. I thought, “this girl is hilarious” and she looked like she had nice tits.
And then she sent me a dirty pic, and I actually got to see her tits and that kind of clinched it.
I pulled up her pic on my phone. Damn. Seriously, this girl has some gorgeous boobs. I looked at the picture and glanced quickly at her. The hair was the same– same color, same length and same style. Face looked the same but I wasn’t sure if I should look at her again. She didn’t want me to realize she was there so I ignored her.
I could feel her watching me. I pulled out the comics I picked up at Dark Tower earlier in the day. Phil was there looking for something for his girl friend.
“I dunno what to get her, she’s into some girly manga shit.” He said. “But she’s like, ‘Phil, come on, I wanna read what you read.’ And then I give her something and she hates it.”
“Tough break man. Just get her some Wonder Woman comics. Everyone likes Wonder Woman.” I told him.
He shrugged and picked up a different comic. “Hey wanna come over later? I’m having a barbecue. Gina bought some rotisserie chickens, but I’m gonna throw some steaks on the grill and I bought a case of beer. Tommy, Steve, Sarah and that girl Sarah’s been dating will be there.”
“I can’t. I’ve got a date.”
“Oh shit, is it the girl with the boobs?”
“Fuck, Phil. Why do I tell you anything? Yes, the girl with the boobs.”
He smacked me on the back. “Hell yeah, man! Good luck. Let me know how that goes.”
“Yeah, sure.”
And now here I am pretending to not notice her. I can sort of see her out of the corner of my eye, but I can’t make out what she’s doing. Oh God. She’s standing up. Okay, eat the biscotti. Don’t look up. Be cool.
She stood in front of my table. “Hi.” She said.
Okay, be cool. Be nonchalant or whatever. “I was wondering when you were going to come over. You’ve been staring at me for 20 minutes I was about to get up and leave.” I finally look up and smile at her. She was cuter in person than in her pictures. Probably because her mouth wasn’t open. Fuck, don’t look at her tits.
Nope. Couldn’t be helped. Hope she didn’t notice.
“It was only 15.” She whines as she sits down and reaches for one of my comics. “You brought reading material? Were you expecting me to be boring?”
“No, I stopped at the shop before coming here. And it’s a good thing I did. You stared at me like a creep for half an hour.”
“I did not! I’m not a creep either.” She looks like she wants to laugh, but she’s trying to look angry.
I shrug. “You’re right. Girls can’t be creeps.”
“Well… I don’t think that’s true.”
“No.” I pause. “Because boobs. Want a coffee?” I gesture towards the counter and stand up.
“Yes, a latte would be great.”
I smile at the girl at the counter and order our coffees. She’s cute too. If this girl doesn’t work out I can come back and ask her out instead. She hands me our drinks and I drop a tip in the jar.
“It’s nice right?” I ask.
“What?” She reaches for her coffee.
“My ass. You totally checked me out.”
“I did. It’s okay.”
This girl is a winner. “You’re a liar.”
She laughed. “Okay, I think I like you.”
I try not to look surprised. “Really? That quick? Damn, I’m good.”
“You’re not bad. But here’s the thing, I can’t promise I’ll sleep with you yet. I know I showed you my tits, but that’s mostly because I’m vain and wanted you to like me.”
Damn. She’s straight to the point. “Um. Okay.”
“But, I can promise that there will be kissing.”
“Kissing? Kissing is nice.”
“With tongues.”
I laugh and she takes a sip of her latte and makes a face.
“Not good?”
“Not sweet.” she says.
“Oh. Just dip your finger in it.”
I wait for her to laugh or groan, most likely groan as that’s my worst line ever. She just stares at me. Shit she doesn’t get it. I keep waiting and she finally laughs.
“Delayed reaction?”
“Maybe.” she looks around the table.
I point towards the counter where the sugar is. “So I can look forward to kissing with tongues, eh?”
“Yes. Lots.”
“I can deal with that.” I smile.
“Good.” She says as she gets up.
I watch her pour 20 packets of sugar into her drink, taste it and then add a couple more.
She walks back to the table.
“Are you sure that’s enough sugar? ”
“Don’t make fun.”
“Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone add that much sugar to their coffee.”
She looked down at her cup, “I don’t really like the taste.”
I laughed. “So why did you get one?”
“Because we’re at a coffee shop. And you were getting one so I just said the first thing that came to mind.”
“I’ll get you something else. What would you like? ”
“Oh my gosh you don’t have to.”
“Just tell me.”
“I dunno.”
“Come on.”
“Uh…a smoothie.”
“A smoothie?”
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
“What kind?”
“Strawberry.”
“Ok.” Who agrees to coffee when they hate it? I go up to the cute girl at the counter. “Do you have smoothies?”
“Uh, I have like iced drinks.”
“Without coffee?”
She thinks about it. “I could make the vanilla chill without coffee.”
I turn around, “do you like vanilla?” I yell across the shop.
“I could make it work!” She yells back.
“Ok, we’ll do the coffee-less vanilla chill.”
“Ok, just a sec.” She smiles and I wink at her. Two minutes later I have a medium vanilla chill and I walk back to the table.
“Try this and tell me what you think. If it’s not delicious I’ll make sure the girl at the counter is fired.” I hand her the drink.
She opens her straw and places it into the drink slowly. “I’m nervous now.”
I laugh. “Why?”
“Because. Someone’s job depends on this drink!” She sticks her tongue out at me and then takes a sip.
“Well?”
“Shut this place down.”
“It’s not bad is it?”
She hands me the cup. “Try it.”
I smirk and try it. It tastes like frozen milk.
“Okay fine. But their coffee is good.”
There’s an awkward silence.
“So what do you do for a living?” She asks me.
“I play the ukulele on the side of the interstate for money.” I say without skipping a beat.
She starts laughing like a lunatic. It’s cute even if it’s a little crazy and loud. It’s hard not to laugh with her, but I’m trying to keep a straight face.
“Shut up. You’re stupid.”
I can’t hold back my laughter anymore. “Did you just call me stupid and tell me to shut up? Damn this date is going downhill fast. I thought we were going to French soon.”
“Who said we weren’t?” She reaches over and hits my shoulder.
“Are you beating me now?”
“No!”
“You’re yelling at me now!”
I can feel people starting to stare at us.
“You’re the one yelling at me!”
“No I’m not!”
“Oh my gosh!”
We both start laughing. She goes to take another sip. “Oh fuck. That’s gross.”
I grab the cup from her.
“I work in IT.”
“What?”
“You asked me what I do. I work in IT. You?”
“Oh. That’s cool. Like computer stuff?”
“Something like that. What do you do?”
She fiddled with both of her disappointment drinks.
“Don’t laugh.”
“Why would I laugh? Are you a stripper? Because that would be amazing.”
“Oh my gosh, you are stupid.”
“is that going to be your pet name for me?”
“Yes.”
I laugh. “Tell me.”
She takes a deep breath. “OK. I work in events.”
“What kind of events?”
“Kids parties…”
“What do you do for them?”
She takes a swig of the flavor less vanilla chill. “I am the entertainment.”
“You strip for kids?”
“Stupid.”
“You’re going to make me blush.”
“I uh do magic tricks, or dress as a clown, or wear the full character costumes.”
This poor girl.
“You can laugh. Everyone does.”
“I’m not going to laugh.”
“No?”
“No.” I smile. “How long have you been doing that?”
“Um about two years now.”
“Two years of kids parties?”
She shrugs. “Yeah. It sorta pays the bills. I also nanny during the week.”
“What do you really want to do?”
“How do you know this isn’t my childhood dream?” She reaches for her coffee.
“You can’t drink that. You’ll get the diabetes.”
She laughs. “Damn, I don’t want that. Give me a piece of the biscotti then.”
“But I bit it.”
“I don’t care. Gimme.”
I place the piece into her palm. “So what’s the real goal?”
She takes a bite of the biscotti and then dips it into my coffee. “I’m a writer.”
“Are you going to write about me?” She laughs. “Why is that funny?”
“Why does everyone assume they’re interesting enough to write about?” She winks at me. “Are you almost done with your coffee?”
“Hey I’m interesting!”
“Focus. Are you done? ”
“Well you dipped your germy biscotti in it. So I’m done now.”
“Then let’s go. I’m thirsty and hungry.” She grabs her purse. And I just sit there staring at her. “Come on.” She stomped her foot. “I know a place.”
“Okay okay. So pushy. Why didn’t you suggest that in the first place?”
“Because I’m stupid. Let’s go.”
She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the cafe.
“You’re pretty strong, you know.” I said.
She just gave me a look and stepped off the curb and put her arm out.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“An interpretive dance.” She replied as a taxi pulled up. “Get in pumpkin.” She opened the door and slid into the back seat. “Don’t just stand there!”
I ran to the cab and got in.
“Lincoln and Berwyn please.” She told the driver.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m kidnapping you.”
“I could think of worse kidnappers.” I smiled at her. And she leaned her head on me.
“I’m so hungry. I’m… dying.”
“Don’t die, we still have to make out.”
“Hmm you’re right.” She lifted her head slightly. “Driver, step on it.” She laughed softly.
“So where are you taking me?” I ask again.
“It’s a colombian cafe with really good food. It’s snacks and baked goods mostly. But super delicious. Their coffee is good too, supposedly.”
“Supposedly.”
“I’ve never had it, but my friends seem to like it.”
“What do you get?”
“Any of the juices. Depends on my mood.”
“What’s your mood saying today?”
“My mood is in an inappropriate place, I really can’t say right now.”
I laughed.
“Don’t laugh,” She said. “I don’t necessarily mean like sexy time inappropriate. What if I meant like murderous inappropriate? What if I thirsted for the blood of 20 virgins?” She looked up at me. “Would you get out of the cab?”
This girl has a strange sense of humor. I can deal with that. “What if I told you I too ‘thirsted for the blood of 20 virgins?'”
She smiled. “You’re crazy.” She looked out the window. “Oh you can pull over here.”
The driver pulls up to a tiny colombian cafe. “$7.59 please.” He says.
She grabs her purse and reaches for the door. “Hope you have cash.”
“Why?”
“So you can pay the man.” She laughs.
Is she serious.
“I’m joking.” She pulls a bill from her wallet. “Here you go. Keep the change.”
We exit the cab and she opens the door for me.
“So what are we having?” I ask.
“Everything.”
29. Incorporates: chickens, interstate, a ukulele, serial killers, drought.
The Secret Life of Pandas 