I’m exhausted and I know I should be closing my eyes soon, but this seemed important to share.

According to my mattress boo, Chicago is now number one in bedbugs and that has filled me with an overwhelming fear and paranoia.

Let’s get back to my mattress boo.

Friday night we went out for all you can eat sushi at this sushi bar in Roscoe Village. I’ve found myself in Roscoe Village more often than usual as of late.

After dinner we passed a mattress store and my friend decided she wanted to go in and just test out the mattresses. so we made up a story that I needed a new bed and went in. we were greeted by the most adorable man.

I saw him and I wanted to test all of the beds out with him.

But first I had to grab the giant stuffed sheep.

Wait, I’m not making sense. There was a stuffed sheep on one of the beds facing the window. I wanted to hold it and squeeze it. I asked if this was okay.

He laughed and said yes.

He took me to the first bed and told me to lay down.

I almost pulled off my panties, but I refrained. My other two friends watched and laughed and chatted with him as well.

We spent half an hour in there chatting with him about beds and warranties and then bed bugs came up and I cringed.

Bed bugs and life.

why are people so disgusting?

Anyway, that’s pretty much it. I’ve fallen in love with the manager of a mattress store in Roscoe Village. He’s cute and sweet and friendly and he was a carpenter for 15 years and he’s new to the city.

I want to have his mixed asian, white, mexican babies and sleep on a $5,000 bed.